BX 9225 
H315A45 



C-2A.Z- 
87 



• 




I 




IN THE LIFE OF 



Rev. THOMAS HALYBURTOIV. 



Written for the Massachusetts Sabbath School Society/ and 
revised by the Committee of Publications. 




BO S T O N : 



MASSACHUSETTS SABBATH SCHOOL SOCIETY. 

DEPOSITORY, NO. 24, CORKHILL. 

1835. 



Si'. 



Si 



Entered according to the act of Congress, in the year 1835, 

BY CHRISTOPHER C. DEAN, 
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Massachusetts. 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



CHAPTER I. 

Thomas Halyburton was born at 
Dublin, in Scotland, on the 25th of 
December, 1674. His father was a 
faithful minister of the gospel ; and 
his mother was a very intelligent and 
pious woman. By them Thomas was 
early taught the fear of the Lord, the 
evil consequences of sin, and the way 
of salvation by Jesus Christ. Their 
greatest anxiety respecting him, had 
relation to the interests of his soul ; 
and their prayers unitedly rose for his 
speedy conversion to God. 
1* 



6 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



When Thomas was eight years of 
age, his father was removed to a bet- 
ter world ; his mother was mercifully 
spared to be his instructor and guide. 
She felt the increased responsibility 
that devolved upon her in conse- 
quence of her husband's decease, and 
applied for assistance to Him who 
giveth " grace to help in time of 
need." 

About three years after Mr. Haly- 
burton's death, it became necessary 
for her to remove with her son to 
Holland. During their passage, a 
violent storm arose, and they were in 
great danger of perishing in the sea. 
Thomas was very much alarmed. He 
knew that he was not prepared to die. 
A great many forgotten sins came to 
his remembrance. He felt that he 
deserved to die. He prayed earnestly 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 7 



for life, solemnly promising, if spared, 
to obey all the commandments of 
God. His mother, perceiving that he 
" trusted in his own heart," told him 
that his promises would be quickly 
broken ; but he was very confident 
that he would fulfil them all. The 
storm at length abated, and they reach- 
ed Rotterdam in safety. Thomas, as 
his mother had foretold, failed to per- 
form the promises he had made. How 
often are the promises, made in the 
hour of affliction and danger, forgot- 
ten when peace and safety return 1 
Thomas, however, was not without 
convictions of sin. During a year 
and a half that he lived in Rotterdam* 
he was thoughtful and anxious res- 
pecting his soul, and was oftentimes 
almost persuaded to be a Christian* 



8 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



He came near, but did not enter the 
kingdom of God. 

He now went to spend a winter 
with his aunt, at Perth, in Scotland. 
His aunt was not a pious woman. 
He had no one here to care for his 
soul ; no one to reprove him for sin, 
and to point him to the Lamb of God. 
His mother's instructions were forgot- 
ten, and he indulged in sin. Wicked 
companions led him farther and farth- 
er astray. He committed many open 
and heinous sins. His mother's coun- 
sels and warnings would sometimes 
come to mind, and make him very 
unhappy. Still he would go on in 
sin. 

In the spring, his mother came 
over to visit him. Though he ten- 
derly loved her, yet he did not wish 
to see her, because he felt guilty. 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 9 



" I was," he said, " sorry at her com- 
ing, and when I first heard her voice, 
I trembled. I did not wish to see 
her. Nothing I dreaded so much as 
her affectionate, godly conversation. 
I was afraid she would ask me what 
I had done. I was afraid, too, she 
would take me with her to Holland, 
where I should be under restraint." 
How hateful a thing is sin, that would 
thus separate the son from his mother ! 

Mrs. Halyburton, learning* the sins 
into which he had fallen, and the 
dangers to which he was exposed, 
caused him to return with her to Hol- 
land. She there placed him at an 
excellent school. They soon, how- 
ever, returned to Scotland, and re- 
sided at Perth. Here Thomas heard 
the faithful preaching of the gospel, 
and his convictions of sin returned. 



10 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



His anxiety soon became so great, 
that he could scarcely sleep. He was 
every day afraid of death, and of the 
judgment that cometh after. He 
tried to quiet his convictions by break- 
ing off from some of his more open 
sins ; but in vain. The arrows were 
deep in his heart. He read the Bible, 
and was willing to obey it in some 
things, but not in all. Like the 
young man that came to Christ to in- 
quire what he should do to inherit 
eternal life, he was not willing to give 
up all for Christ, and the salvation of 
his soul. Thus he went on, strug- 
gling with his convictions, till at last 
he began to doubt whether the Bible 
was true, and even whether there was 
a God ! Still his anxiety and distress 
were not at all lessened. 

At the end of three years, his 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 11 



mother removed to Edinburgh, for the 
purpose of placing him at college. 
Here, in the good providence of God, 
he became acquainted with serious and 
sober companions, who restrained him 
from idleness and vice. Affectionate, 
wise, and pious friends, are among 
the greatest blessings God can bestow 
on us. While at college, as his 
knowledge of duty increased, so also 
did his convictions of sin. " The 
Lord," he remarked, " daily let me 
see that he was wroth with me on 
account of sins that formerly I had 
not noticed." The force of his con- 
victions, at this time, led him to adopt 
a stricter mode of life than he had 
practised at any time before. But it 
was only a form of religion. 

The following is his own account 
of it. " I prayed, not only evening 



12 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



and morning, but retired at other 
times for this purpose. I often wept 
plentifully in secret, and resolved to 
live otherwise than I had done. But 
my goodness was as the early cloud 
and the morning dew. It was caused 
only by fear of punishment. It was 
force, not nature, and my strictness 
lasted no longer than the force which 
occasioned it did." 
. His anxiety returned, and he sought, 
in various ways, to obtain relief. He 
searched books in order to find evi- 
dences by which he might persuade 
himself that he was a Christian. 
When he met with a mark of piety 
which he thought he could appropri- 
ate to himself, he eagerly seized upon 
it, and passed by all others. When 
he found any duty required which he 
was not willing to perform, he would 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 13 

substitute some other in its place ; and 
when this would not quiet his soul, 
he would promise, in general, to per- 
form all that God should require. 
Still there was no peace to his soul. 
He thus speaks of the exercises of 
this period. " Though 1 seemed to 
have made some progress towards re- 
ligion, jet really I was wholly wrong ; 
for though I was convinced of the ne- 
cessity of a righteousness, I was igno- 
rant of Christ, I had sought it by 
works of the law ! All my exercises 
were only a contention between light 
and love to sin ; and sin prevailed, 
for I was unwilling to part with my 
bosom idols ; self was the animating 
principle of the form of religion I ob- 
served. I desired to have as much 
religion as would save me from hell 
and take me to heaven, and no more. n 
2 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



CHAPTER II. s 

E 

As the climate of Edinburgh did a 
not prove agreeable to Haly burton, f 
he left it at the end of a year, and p 
went to St. Andrews, where he com- f 
pleted his education. Here the Lord s 
did not give over his work with him. } 
He gave him clearer views of the 1 
evil of his heart, and a deeper sense i 
of the guilt of his sins. His distress, ( 
in consequence, was renewed and in- I 
creased. He now resolved to enter I 
into a solemn covenant with God ; i 
and accordingly wrote one, and sub- i 
scribed it in form. When he had I 
done this, he found a transient peace, i 
He thought that amendment was a 
sufficient atonement for his sins. i 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 15 



But his peace was of short duration. 
His covenant was quickly broken ; his 
sins, like waters that have been dam- 
med up, were stronger than before, 
and bore down all he had placed in 
their way. It is strange that he w T as 
not by this time convinced of the ne- 
cessity of committing his case to Je- 
sus Christ. But he was not. " The 
peace I lost by breaking,' 5 he writes, 
" I endeavored to recover by renew- 
ing my covenant, still trusting in my 
own strength. My heart, when I was 
defeated, gave me such advice as the 
king of Syria received from his ser- 
vants, when he was defeated by Is- 
rael, 6 Number an army like thou hast 
lost, horse for horse, chariot for char- 
iot, and we will fight against them in 
the plains, and, surely, we shall be 
stronger than they.' I laid the blame 



16 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



on some accidental defects in rny 
former engagements ; and I thought 
that if these were provided against, 
all would be well. When I found 
something yet wanting, I endeavored 
to make it up with something extraor- 
dinary of my own ; with the multipli- 
cation of duties, or some similar thing. 
But all these vain refuges failed me, 
and my case was truly miserable 
while pursuing them." 

" All this while," he continues, "I 
sought righteousness and peace, not 
in the Lord Jesus Christ, who is the 
end of the law for righteousness to 
every one that believes ; but in my 
own covenant and engagements; so 
that I really put them in Christ's 
room." 

Having finished the usual course of 
studies at St. Andrews, he was ad- 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 17 



vised to travel for further improve- 
ment. He was desirous of doing so ; 
but was afraid to expose his life to 
peril while in so uncertain a state. 
He, therefore, declined going abroad, 
and engaged as a private tutor in a 
gentleman's family. He was, at this 
time, twenty-two years of age. 

In this situation, he often met with 
individuals who were disposed to dis- 
pute with him on the truth of the 
Christian religion. This induced him 
to read the authors who had written 
on the subject, in order that he might 
become acquainted with, and be able 
to answer objections. This course 
revived the doubts he had once enter- 
tained with greater force ; he was al- 
most led to renounce his belief in the 
truth of God. 

His doubts were removed, not by 
2* 



18 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



arguments, but by reading accounts of 
the martyrs who suffered for the 
truth ; and he wisely judged, that 
that was not a delusion which could 
support them in such trying circum- 
stances. The case of some young 
children of his acquaintance, who gave 
good evidence of genuine piety, also 
tended greatly to remove his doubts 
and to strengthen his belief. O, if all 
the children in our Sabbath schools 
gave evidence of piety, what an argu- 
ment in favor of religion would the 
scene present ! 

By these trials he was more fully 
convinced of his frailty and weakness ; 
yet his bondage, through fear of death, 
w r as not lessened ; and he was often 
tempted to cease from all efforts to 
secure salvation. He had no friend 
iiear him, to whom he could apply for 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 19 



advice ; he also strove to conceal his 
convictions ; but. this only served to 
increase them. At last, his distress 
of mind became so great, that he 
ceased to study or to do any kind of 
labor. For nearly a year and a half 
he was in this desponding, inactive 
state. Still he did not apply to the 
Great Physician, and friend of sin- 
ners. He still endeavored to work 
out a righteousness of his own. 

" I set apart time, 5 ' he says, " for 
fasting and prayer in secret ; and on 
one such occasion, I drew up a short 
account of my treacherous dealings 
with God from my youth up, and sol- 
emnly bound myself to God to walk 
in his ways ; and when my own heart 
told me I ' could not serve the Lord,' 
I said, 6 Nay , but 1 will serve the Lord. 1 
But all these proved physicians of no 



20 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



value, I found that they were able to» 
keep me from sin no longer than temp- 
tation was away. I found that these 
ways, which I took to smother my 
convictions, were not able to give me 
peace, but really increased my inward 
disquiet. The Lord in mercy gave 
me no rest in any of these inventions, 
that I might, at length, betake myself 
to him. If this distress had lasted 
much longer, my soul had sunk under 
the weight of it ; but now the Lord 
appeared in my behalf. When I had 
destroyed myself, he caused me to see 
that my help was in him. He found 
me in a helpless, hopeless condition. 
I had none that could save me ; I was 
caught in the thicket ; I was neither 
able to fight or fly. Then the Lord 
came to my relief/' 

" I cannot be very positive about the 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 21 



day or hour of this deliverance, nor 
can I say much about the manner of 
it. But this is of no consequence, if 
the work is in substance sound. I 
must say, with the blind man, 6 One 
thing I know, that whereas I was 
blind, now I see.' I was, so far as I 
can remember, at secret prayer in 
very great extremity, not far from 
despair, w T hen the Lord in mercy 
manifested his delivering grace." 

His views and feelings were now 
greatly changed. Heretofore, he had 
looked upon God as a consuming fire ; 
now he saw that with him ivas for- 
giveness and plenteous redemption. A 
little while before, he thought there 
could be no mercy for a sinner like 
him ; now he saw that God could 
pardon through Christ, and be just 
while justifying the ungodly. He 



22 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



could now appropriate to himself the 
promises of the Bible, and, in so doing, 
found peace to his soul. He now de- 
sired to please God in all things, and 
to live for his honor. He found, by 
experience, that the commandments 
of the Lord were not grievous ; that 
his yoke was easy and his burden 
light. He felt a love towards all who 
bore the image of Christ, in short, he 
felt a sweet drawing towards God in 
all his ordinances, and a cheerful and 
entire resignation to his holy will. 

His happiness was now very great, 
and he fondly thought it would never 
decrease. He supposed he should 
have no more struggles with tempta- 
tions ; that his spiritual foes were 
dead. 

But he was soon undeceived." He 
had to learn that the Christian life is 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 23 



a warfare. Strong temptations as- 
sailed him, so that he began to des- 
pond and to doubt the reality of what 
he had experienced. But he did not, 
as formerly, resort to his own works 
for comfort. " I knew," he remarks, 
" that salvation was only to be found 
in Christ, and I resolved, that 1 though 
he should slay me, yet would I trust 
in Him. 555 In this way, he obtained 
deliverance from the power of temp- 
tation. 



CHAPTER III. 

The mother of Halyburton had, at 
his birth, devoted him to the service 
of God in the ministry, and had edu- 
cated him for this end. Her prayers 



24 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



for his conversion were now answer- 
ed, and she was desirous of seeing 
him at work in the vineyard of the 
Lord. He hesitated for some time? 
regarding himself as unfit for so res- 
ponsible a work ; but being urged by 
many judicious friends, and also by 
the Presbytery within whose bounds 
he lived, he at length consented to 
apply for license, which was granted 
him by the Presbytery in June, 1699. 

He was soon after ordained and 
settled over the parish of Ceres. On 
the day of his ordination, he wrote in 
his journal as follows : — " This morn- 
ing I renewed my self-dedication to 
God, and my acceptance of Christ on 
the terms of the gospel, looking to 
Him alone for strength to enable me 
to perform the duties of a Christian 
and a minister. Lord, thou knowest 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 25 



that my heart's desire is toward thee. 
Lord, help me, that through thy grace, 
I may lay out myself for gaining sin- 
ners to thee.' 5 

He now gave himself wholly to the 
work of the ministry. He began the 
preparation of his sermons with fer- 
vent prayer for the divine direction, 
and followed their delivery with sup- 
plications for a blessing to render 
them productive. Whenever he re- 
ceived peculiar assistance, or when- 
ever his soul was peculiarly refreshed 
by divine grace, he w 7 as abundant in 
thanksgiving, and very earnest in 
watching against spiritual pride. He 
was jealous lest he should rob the Al- 
mighty of the glory due to his free 
and sovereign grace. 

As soon as possible, he acquainted 
himself with the spiritual condition 
3 



26 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



of the members of his flock, by visit- 
ing and conversing with each individ- 
ual. As the result of his inquiries, he 
states, " that of three or four hundred 
persons, he found not more than forty 
who had not been more or less 
awakened by the preaching of the 
gospel ; though many of those who 
had been thus awakened, had not 
been converted, in consequence of 
their quenching the Spirit. Wherever 
there is a faithful ministry, the Lord 
does not leave himself without a wit- 
ness." 

While thus engaged in the work of 
the ministry, watching for souls as 
one that must give an account, he 
was not without difficulties and trials. 
He was often beset with strong temp- 
tations, and was often in darkness 
and distress. But by applying to the 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 27 



Hearer of prayer, he was delivered, 
and caused again to rejoice in the 
Lord. On one occasion, he wrote in 
his journal as follows. " The Lord, 
about this time, revived me somewhat 
from a long deadness. The follow- 
ing w T ere some of the means by which 
I obtained this benefit. 

1. It was greatly promoted by- 
conversation with lively Christians. 
" As iron sharpeneth iron, so a man 
sharpeneth the countenance of his 
friend." Prov. xxvii. 19. 

2. The Lord did by some severe 
strokes chasten me, and, in some 
measure, teach me out of his law. 

3. Some alarming dispensations of 
divine Providence towards the public, 
seemed to say to me, " awake, sleeper, 
and call upon the name of thy God. 55 

4. The Lord providentially brought 



28 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



into my hands some papers containing 
the exercises of certain eminent Chris- 
tians, by which I saw how far inferior 
I was to others, and also some of the 
causes of my decayed and barren 
state. 

5. The Lord led me to choose, in 
preaching, certain subjects for others, 
that did, in a remarkable degree, 
touch my own case. Thus, while 
with David, I heard only a parable at 
first, 1 was ere long told in the end, 
6 Thou art the man. 5 ?? 

Mr. Halyburton was married to 
Miss Janet Watson, in 1701. They 
were blessed with a number of chil- 
dren, whom they dedicated to God, 
and endeavored to train for usefulness 
and heaven. One of them, when 
about two years old, was taken se- 
verely ill. He prayed earnestly for 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 29 

the life of the child, but in submission 
to the divine will. The sincerity of 
his submission will appear from the 
following extract from his diary. 

" The child is dead ; blessed be 
God, that I had a child to give at his 
call, and blessed be the Lord that he 
helped me to give her willingly." 

Mr. Halyburton used to set apart 
frequent seasons for solemn self-exam- 
ination. To assist himself in this im- 
portant work, he wrote the following 
questions. 

" 1. Are my daily sins observed, 
considered and mourned over ? 

" 2. Do I take care to exercise 
faith distinctly in order to the pardon 
of them ? 

" 3. Is peace taken before it is 
plainly spoken by the Lord ? 

" 4. Do my impressions of the 
3* 



30 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



necessity and excellency of Christ's 
blood decay ? 

" 5. Are my experiences of its use 
and efficacy as distinct as at first ? 

" 6. Am I formal in worship and 
in secret duties ? 

" 7. Do I sympathize with affiicted 
saints ? 

" 8. Do I heed the voice of God's 
providence in afflictions calling me to 
diligence and spirituality in duty, and 
to preparation for death ?V O that 
every reader were able to give as sat- 
isfactory answers to these inquiries as 
he who wrote them ! 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 31 



CHAPTER IV. 

■ 

The Professorship of Divinity in 
the University of St. Andrews, being 
vacant, the friends of Mr. Halyburton 
desired that he should occupy the 
place. He would not, however, con- 
sent that any efforts should be made 
to secure his appointment. He re- 
solved not to be the disposer of his 
own lot. He had committed his way 
unto the Lord, and desired to more 
only at his bidding. He was, without 
his knowledge, appointed to the Pro- 
fessorship. The College applied to 
the Presbytery to dismiss him from 
his people, that he might remove to 
St. Andrews. He took no part in the 
proceedings of the Presbytery on this 



32 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 

occasion, but waited to know the 
will of the Lord. The Presbytery 
decided that he ought to accept the 
Professorship, and the people, though 
unwilling to lose his services, gave 
their consent. He was accordingly 
dismissed, and removed to the Uni- 
versity. 

Mr. Halyburton lived but a little 
more than two years after his removal 
to St* Andrews ; and during the whole 
of that period, he suffered from dis- 
tressing illness. Yet it did not lessen 
the cheerfulness of his temper, or dis- 
turb his peace with God. 

When his disorder had increased so 
far, that he was confined to his bed, 
and all hope of his recovery at an end, 
for a time he was severely tried with 
doubts as to his spiritual state; but, 
«e long, they were all removed, and 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 33 



he was enabled to leave one of the 
most interesting death-bed testimonies 
to the truth of religion, on record. 

On the sixth day before his death, 
he was east down during the whole 
day. On the next morning, a friend 
asked him how he was ? He ans- 
wered, " Oh ! what a terrible con- 
flict I had yesterday ! But now I 
can say, 6 1 have fought the good 
fight, and have kept the faith. ? He 
hath put a new song in my mouth. 
Oh, my thoughts of God are sweet. 
I wonder at myself that I do not love 
him more, — that I do not admire him 
more. Oh that I could honor him ! 
What a wonder, that I enjoy such com- 
posure under all my bodily troubles in 
view of approaching death ! What a 
mercy that I have my reason spared 



34 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



me till I have declared his goodness 
to me." 

The physician, who was not a pious 
man, came in, and Mr. Halyburton said 
to him, " Is my pulse w r eak ?" The 
physician answered, " Yes," " Then, 
doctor," he replied, "You are near 
the end of this piece of work. I 
wish that you may lay it to heart; 
it is a great thing to die like a 
Christian, and it is a very rare thing. 
Christ himself has told us, that there 
are but few who shall be saved, even 
among those who are called. I hope 
the Lord will show you kindness. 
The greatest kindness I am able to 
show you, is to commend religion to 
you. * There is a reality in religion, 
doctor, though many disbelieve and 
despise it. Scoffers will one day be 
convinced. Well, doctor, the Lord be 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 35 



with you, and persuade you to be in 
earnest in seeking the salvation of 
your soul.'* 

To another, he said, " I bless God 
I was educated by godly parents, in 
the principles of the Church of Scot- 
land; I bless him that when I came to 
riper years, I did, on mature delibera- 
tion, make them my choice. I bless 
the Lord that I have been enabled ever 
since to adhere to them without wa- 
vering. I bless him that I have seen 
that holiness yields peace and comfort 
in prosperity and adversity ; therefore, 
I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it 
is the power of God to salvation, to 
every one that believeth." 

Some of his brethren in the minis- 
try coming to see him, he said to 
them, " I must have a word to my 
brethren ; 1 am young, but near the 



36 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



end of my life, and that makes me 
old ; and, therefore, 1 will take it up- 
on me to give advice ; but it shall re- 
late to the common salvation. Breth- 
ren, be diligent, ply your work, hold 
fast what ye have. I mourn that I have 
not been more diligent ; but I have 
peace in this, that I have been sincere 
in that which I have done. It has 
been my delight to preach the gospel, 
and in doing it I have sometimes neg- 
lected my frail body. I always thought 
that if I could contribute to the saving 
of a single soul, it would be a star, a 
crown, a glorious crown. This is the 
object at which I have aimed. I de- 
sired to decrease that the bridegroom 
might increase ; I desired to be noth- 
ing, that he might be all. 55 

u Brethren, we have need to take 
care, with the apostle, lest having 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 37 



preached to others, we be cast away ; 
and if we have need to fear, 1 happy 
is he that feareth always.' Be diligent 
in preaching the gospel. So do the 
work of your ministry that ye may ob- 
tain the testimony of the great Shep- 
herd, when he shall appear. The 
work of the ministry was my deliber- 
ate choice, and if my life were length- 
ened out, I had rather be a despised 
minister of Jesus Christ, than the 
greatest prince on earth. " 

At another time, when his children 
came in to see him, he said, "My 
children, be seekers of God, and fulfil 
my joy. Alas, that I was so late in 
beginning to seek God ; and yet I felt 
many times that God was seeking me 
before I was as old as some of you." 
To his oldest child he said, ei Marga- 
ret, you seem sometimes to have eon- 
4 



38 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



victions ; beware how you treat them ; 
they are the most dangerous things 
you ever experienced, if you seek not 
God, for each one of them is God's 
messenger, and if you despise God's 
messengers he will severely punish 
you." 

To his youngest child, "May the 
Lord, my dear, bless you ; the God of 
your father and of my mother bless 
you, The God that has fed me all 
my days, the angel that redeemed me 
from all evil, bless you and be your 
portion. That is a goodly heritage ; 
better than if 1 had crowns and scep- 
tres to leave you. 5 ' 

When he was advised to be quiet 
and spare his strength, he said, " On 
what should a dying man spend his 
last breath, but in commending the 
Lord Jesus Christ, who died for our 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 39 



sins ? " He then caused the first, 
fourth and fifth chapters of I. Thessa- 
lonians to be read to him. He was 
then told again that it was necessary 
to take some rest: he replied, " I have 
need of rest only to prepare me to fin- 
ish my course with joy. How great 
the power of Christ's death, and the 
efficacy of his resurrection ! and now 
I find the advantage of having one at 
the right hand of God, who is able to 
save to the uttermost. O, I long to see 
him ! I have but to close my eyes in 
death, and open them in glory. O it 
is a great thing to have faith ! It is a 
great thing to have the soul entirely 
submissive to the will of God ! I shall 
have this done soon. I shall soon be 
where I shall never have a reluctant 
feeling, never have a thought estrang- 
ed from God." 



40 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



When requested again to lie quiet, 
and take some sleep, he said, " The 
people where I am going sleep not day 
nor night, but cry, Holy, holy, holy, is 
the Lord of hosts. 57 

After this, he lay quiet for some 
time, but did not sleep. His wife 
asked him how he was. 

" My dear, 57 he replied, "I am 
longing for the salvation of my God, 
and hastening to it. 55 Then seeing 
her weeping, he said. " My dear, en- 
courage yourself, here is a body going 
to clay, and a soul going to heaven, 
where I hope you are to come. 55 

About five o 5 clock in the morning, 
he was desired again to try to take 
some rest, but he said, "No, no; 
should 1 lie here altogether useless ? 
Shall I not spend the last portion of 
my strength in showing forth his glo- 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 41 



ry?" He held up his hands and said, 
" Lame hands and lame legs, [his 
hands and legs were greatly swollen] 
but see a lame man leaping and re- 
joicing." 

As his weakness increased, and he 
drew near his end, he bade his wife 
and children farewell, commending 
each to the grace of God. A minister 
came in w 7 hile he was thus engaged : 
to him he said, " Brother, I am doing 
a trying work, i am parting with my 
wife and children. 1 bless His name 
that I have had one of the best of 
w r ives, but now she is no more mine, 
but the Lord's. 55 Then to his chil- 
dren, he said, " Your father is now to 
be taken from you, but look to God. 
As I received you from the Lord, I 
now give you to Him. You are no 
more mine. 55 
4* 



42 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



A minister asked him if he should 
pray: he answered, "Yes, pray that 
like a good soldier, I may strike the 
last stroke." 

Afterwards, he exclaimed, " I wait 
Lord, for thy salvation. How long? 
Come, Lord Jesus, O, come and take 
me by the hand. I wait for thy sal- 
vation as the watchmen wait for the 
morning. Why are his chariot wheels 
so long in coming ? He is trying my 
patience. O, what means he by stay- 
ing so long ? I am like to faint w 7 ith 
delay." 

After this, he slept. When he 
awoke he said, u I am lying pleasant- 
ly, and waiting patiently until he fin- 
ish and perfect that which concerns 
me. God is with me still, and he will 
be with me. I shall be cold in a little 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 43 



while, and I long for it. I long for 
my death." 

Just before he expired, he was 
seized with faintness ; on recovering, 
he said to his wife, " Do not be af- 
flicted ; what if I should go off in a 
fainting fit ? the Lord's way is the 
best way. I am composed : — though 
my body is in pain, yet my soul is in 
peace." 

One said to him, " You seem to be 
near the crown you have been wrest- 
ling for so long." He answered faint- 
ly, "Free grace — free grace — not unto 
me." 

Another said, " You have been cry- 
ing much to God that he would be 
with you, and I trust you find him 
near." 

" Yes." 



44 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 



" Now you are putting your seal to 
the truth that godliness is great gain." 
" Yes, indeed.' 5 

" I hope you are encouraging your- 
self in the Lord As a sign, he 
lifted up his hands,— he was too far 
gone to speak. He died Sept. 23, 
1712. Let me die the death of the 
righteous, let my last end be like his. 
Blessed are the dead that die in the 
Lord ; yea, saith the spirit, for they 
rest from their labors, and their works 
do follow them. 

The attentive reader of this narra- 
tive will perceive that it forcibly illus- 
trates two very important truths. The 
first is, that conviction is not con- 
version,— that anxiety and distress 
on account of sin, and partial refor- 
mation, is not religion. On this sub- 
ject, some are in danger of fatal error. 



CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 45 

They suppose that because they have 
been anxious and distressed, and by 
resolving to do better in future, have 
gained a measure of peace, they are 
real Christians. Thus they are de- 
ceived, and go onwards till death puts 
an end to the delusion. 

Halyburton had many and various 
exercises of mind before he was a 
Christian. He felt deep distress, and 
gained some relief by efforts to keep 
the law of God ; but still he found by 
careful scrutiny, that all was not right 
within. It was not until he was 
driven to despair of himself, until he 
committed his soul to Jesus Christ, 
and sought to -be a partaker of his 
righteousness only, that he was a con- 
verted man. Let his example, then, 
teach you not to trust in your own 
hearts. Look away from yourselves 



46 CONVICTION NOT CONVERSION. 

to Jesus Christ. You must gain peace 
and assurance through him alone, oth- 
erwise, however deep may have been 
your distress, or however high your 
fancied joy, you are yet in the gall of 
bitterness, and the bond of iniquity. 

The second truth illustrated by this 
narrative, is, the power of religion to 
make a death bed a scene of happiness. 
You have seen how calmly and joy fully 
Halyburton closed his life. That same 
religion has power to soften your dying 
pillow, and to give peace to your de- 
parting spirit. 



END. 



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